Coexisting With A Coworker You Dislike

Sometimes, having the right coworkers can make a job you dislike more tolerable. But the opposite is also true; a coworker you dislike can make your job unpleasant.

While many workers are able to work remotely, limiting direct face-to-face interactions with these workplace nemeses, those in the office don’t have that luxury. Even remotely, you’ll still have some interactions with these disdained coworkers. Regardless, you need to learn to work with others you may not enjoy.

We’ve previously covered how to successfully navigate workplace conflict and why a positive team culture is so important. We’ll build on that foundation, with assistance from the experts, with strategies on how to coexist with your least favorite coworkers. You likely won’t become best friends, but you’ll find common ground and be able to work together in spite of your differences.

Could it be you?

The first step in finding common ground is asking yourself why this individual irks you. With some soul-searching, you may realize that both of you are at fault.

Forbes’ Nicole Lipkin discusses affirmation bias, the tendency to blame your own shortcomings on external factors while blaming the shortcomings of others on their personal character.

“[L]et’s say you’re late to work. The attribution bias would have you exonerate your own lateness by claiming there was heavy traffic. But if someone else is late to work though, they’re obviously lazy.” –Nicole Lipkin

You may be projecting this bias on your workplace antagonist solely because you dislike them. By always thinking the worst of this person, you build them up as a bigger villain in your mind. You may also be projecting attributes you dislike about yourself onto this person, writes Lolly Daskal. Analyzing your mindset and figuring out why you dislike this person is the first step towards understanding.

Try to get to know them

Easier said than done, right? But finding common ground with someone is the key to resolving conflict. Iris Dorbian spoke to various actors, who must project chemistry with one another to the audience even when they dislike each other, and found multiple strategies you can use to co-exist with your foe.

Start by asking your coworker simple questions to get to know them. It doesn’t have to be deep; small talk about hobbies, interests, and daily routine is enough.

“I’m trying to give this person the impression that I actually give a damn about their day-to-day existence. The funny thing is, you’ll usually find that eventually, you do form chemistry because the person on the receiving end is amazed that anyone asked them questions about their life, work, or hobbies.” -actor Gino Dilorio

“Fake it til you make it” is a popular strategy in many of life’s facets, and it applies here, as well. Be enthusiastic about what your coworker tells you, even if you don’t feel it on the inside. Keeping a positive attitude will not only be good for your relationship with this person but it can be wondrous for your mental health.

Understand their point of view

Once you know this person a little better, it will be easier to understand their perspective and get to the root of why you don’t get along. Take your emotions out of the equation and try to view the person objectively.

Are some of their unpleasant traits a result of outside factors? There may be things doing on in their personal life you aren’t privy to. Are they trying to get along with you but struggling to do so? Or do you just have incompatible values or personalities? These questions are much easier to answer after you’ve made an attempt to get to know the person.

Set boundaries

Maybe you’ve put in the time to get to know your antagonist but still can’t find common ground. It happens. Not all people will get along. But to better coexist, you need to set boundaries with this person.

If the person keeps exhibiting disrespectful behaviors in your direction, sit down with the person and explain these behaviors are unacceptable. Ivy Exec reminds us not to let anger build up and color the interaction. Calmly tell them their behavior is unacceptable and they need to work with you in a professional manner.

Meanwhile, set boundaries on your own behavior. Don’t behave antagonistically towards them, and don’t engage in gossip regarding the other person. Stay professional.

Acknowledge your dislike and minimize contact

If all else fails, up upfront with the person. Lipkin says to have a simple conversation with your coworker: “We’re not getting along that great, what can we do? Let’s try to brainstorm what’s getting in our way.”

If you can find a way to work together, great. If not, you did your part. Continue to work within the boundaries you set, and reduce contact as much as possible. Don’t do anything to fan the flames, and do your best to remain professional. You don’t have to like your colleague, but you do need to work together.

“If volcanoes erupt every time you meet, then it might be best to, instead, keep things professional at a distance.” –Andy Charters

Wrap up

You won’t get along with everyone you meet, but if you’re working with someone you dislike, it’s important to at least make an effort to coexist. Try to find common ground and settle your differences in a professional matter. If all else fails, consider coexistence and acceptance a victory, and do your best to at least work together when needed.

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Coping With Job Search Rejection

In many ways, the internet is a godsend for job seekers. You can use copy and paste or auto-fill to upload your information, you can find jobs anywhere in the world, and you can track your applications. But the digital convenience means there is more competition than ever, and at times, it can seem like a job search is like screaming into a hurricane. More competition leads to more rejection, and that’s never fun.

With the sheer amount of competition out there and inconsistency between job-seeking strategies, rejection is extremely common, especially for entry-level jobs. You may even be ghosted completely by many companies. Rejection is something we all have to live with, but constant rejection can take a toll on your psyche.

“During the job search, you’ll be met with rejection and it’s even worse now. As companies are concerned over what will happen in the future, it’s hard to get noticed at the office, especially as everyone’s fighting to hold onto their jobs or get a better one.” –Jack Kelly, Forbes

If the rejection is getting the best of you, fear not! You can follow these steps to reframe your mindset and resume your search with a rejuvenated spirit and new strategies.

Take time to process

In spite of the frustration, it’s important to remember that others are experiencing the same rejection you are. The pandemic shook up the availability of jobs and was followed by the Great Reshuffling/Resignation, leading to more job seekers than usual.

Remember that, unless your application or resume was relentlessly hostile for some unknown reason, your rejection wasn’t personal. The University of Washington reminds us that your rejection isn’t a reflection of your skills.

“Most successful people have faced disappointment in their lives, and it’s a strength to remember that it’s rarely a reflection on you, your skills, or prior work experience. In fact, there are myriad other factors why the organization might have gone another way. This unfortunate experience may actually be setting you for a better opportunity in the future.” –The University of Washington

Still, the experience of being rejected can be disheartening. Understand how your brain reacts to bad news and adjust accordingly, Indeed states.

“Human brains generally remember challenging situations and painful feelings better than positive ones to help us avoid difficulties in the future. While this evolutionary skill can be useful, it’s often necessary during a job search to remind yourself of the positive aspects of your career and actively focus on those rather than the rejections.“ – Indeed

Be sure to immediately thank whoever sent you your rejection letter, but then don’t be afraid to take your time processing the rejection.

Look for feedback

Once you’ve taken some time to process, start looking for feedback so that you’ll be hardened and more prepared for your next opportunity. Once you’re in a good headspace, reach out to your interviewer, hiring manager, or recruiter and look for feedback on your application or interview. A request for feedback doesn’t have to be lengthy, a quick few sentences in an email should be enough, according to career coach Kyle Elliot.

The Idealist’s Alexis Perrotta wisely advocates keeping your feedback request on topic. The conversation isn’t meant to further sell yourself as a candidate or create a long dialogue. Make sure you are sincere and want the feedback to move forward, not as an excuse to talk to the manager once again. Sincerity makes it much more likely the hiring manager will take time from their schedule to offer their advice.

If you aren’t comfortable reaching out, or you don’t hear a response, ask a friend or colleague to look over your documents. They may be able to provide details you were too close to the situation to have noticed.

Look into new strategies

Your rejection was merely a setback. Having taken time to process the rejection and armed with new knowledge, you can prepare for the next leg of applying.

You can adopt new mental strategies so that each rejection stings less, and you can keep your spirits high. Forbes’ Jack Kelly discusses the idea of creating positive mantras for yourself to remind you of your self-worth. Capital Placement recommends focusing on your strengths.

“By focusing on your strengths and highlighting them in future interviews, you’ll be able to show employers why you’re the best candidate. It can also help you improve your interviews and even help you land your dream role.” –Capital Placement

If the rejections seem to keep piling on, perhaps you need to change your job-seeking approach altogether. CNBC Make It’s Morgan Smith suggests a three-pronged approach of setting job alerts, knowing what you’re looking for and how to define it, and expanding your network. Meanwhile, LinkedIn’s Bob McIntosh offers eight reasons to may not be landing a job and how to fix them.

Wrap up

Rejection hurts, and it’s hard to not take them personally, especially when rejections pile up. It’s important to remember you aren’t the only one in this situation, and you may need to take time to process your thoughts and refocus. Gather feedback if possible so you can tackle your next challenge with more vigor, and don’t be afraid to use new mental or job searching techniques to enhance your search.

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How To Create A Culture Of Value At Work

Maya Angelou once said, “You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you.”

It can be hard to take this sentiment as more than a mere platitude in a world where cash is king, but for employees, it rings true. Happiness in the workplace leads to productive workers, and it turns out, salary isn’t the key to workplace happiness.

Via INC.com, Dapulse, a workplace collaboration tool, polled 10,000 users and asked a simple but profound question:

“What makes you happy at work?”

A strong company culture and useful perks towered over the idea of salary, but, in the end, one simple factor seemed to make workers the happiest—feeling valued.

Leah Walters of Dapulse noted, “But at the end of the day what we are learning time and time again from our users, and also as a company ourselves is, it is how you personally feel your work is being valued that makes you happier.”

A sense of being valued and belonging at work is what employees crave, and with the Great Resignation in full swing, a significant amount of employees are choosing happiness over salary. Workplaces need to examine their culture and see if they fit the bill. TalentCulture’s Andrew Nelson offered six ways to make employees feel valued. We look at our favorites.

Create innovative compensation packages

We just established that salary isn’t the key to workplace happiness, but a good compensation package is about more than money. Nelson writes that the traditional nine-to-five in the office is quickly fading, and employers need to offer new perks to compensate and keep their employees engaged.

Perkbox found that 66% of U.K. workers desired a more personalized benefits package, going beyond insurance and retirement deals (though those were still important!). What does a personalized benefits package look like?

Nelson suggested flexible schedules and leave policies, paid childcare, perks that improve employee well-being (gym memberships, counseling, etc.), and entertainment subscriptions. Indeed offers even more ideas, including performance pay and incentives (a great way to let an employee know their contributions are valued), transportation reimbursement, and volunteer days.

These perks are more in line with the reality of life in the 2020s and show a workplace committed to its employees and keeping with the times.

Stay modern

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: remote work is here to stay. We aren’t out of the woods with COVID-19 yet, and, regardless, remote work is a part of life now. A savvy workplace needs to embrace technology and keep the workplace modernized to keep employees feeling valued.

We’ve previously covered how to onboard remote teams and how to keep them engaged from home. Nelson reiterates the importance of adding company- or department-wide calls into the schedule to create a shared space to share ideas and praise. Social media can be a boon, especially for millennials. A workplace Teams space, Slack channel, or Discord server can be a place to exchange ideas or even just replace the water cooler as a platform for conversation.

For employees still working out of the office, modernizing the workplace is still a key. Forbes found that a massive number of employees seek a healthier workplace.

“An overwhelming majority (87%) of workers would like their current employer to offer healthier workspace benefits, with options ranging from wellness rooms, company fitness benefits, sit-stands, healthy lunch options and ergonomic seating.” -Forbes

Few people want to work in the stereotypical fluorescent lighting-filled cubicle jungle, and if you’ve ever worked in one, you know it’s hard to feel valued in that environment. Creating a welcoming environment for employees in and out of the office shows a commitment to investing in them, leading to a greater sense of value.

Make growth a priority

Many of Nelson’s suggestions (challenge employees, provide critical feedback) call back to a central theme: providing a foundation for growth. In the above section, we mentioned investing in employees, and this is another way to do that. If the modernized workplace is the soil, the interpersonal connections are the sunshine and water to help an employee blossom.

Giving an employee a challenging assignment shows that you believe in their capabilities while rotating employees through different assignments gives them a chance to grow, writes Nelson. Constructive feedback leads to growth and more success down the road, and actively taking time to mentor an employee shows how valued they are. Take an interest in their work and provide ways to invest in your employees.

Of course, don’t skimp out on the praise either. Indeed believes celebrating accomplishments is a great way to remind workers of their tangible accomplishments. Celebrate small and large numerical accomplishments, including customer satisfaction ratings, sales growth, new services, products, and clients, and onboarding new members. These reminders are a great way to foster a sense of value and growth.

Wrap up

They say money can’t buy happiness, and data supports the idea money isn’t the source of workplace happiness. Creating a mighty workplace culture of growth and value is the key to happy employees, and any organization wanting top-tier employees needs to view their value and happiness as a wise investment.

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How To Conquer Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever felt like a peasant among royalty in the workplace? That even though you’ve gotten a great promotion or chance to lead a project, you haven’t really earned it? Despite your accomplishments and qualifications, maybe you have a feeling you don’t quite belong in your role. Surely, luck played a role in you getting the job, and your peers are much more talented?

There’s a name for this type of thought process. It’s called imposter syndrome, and it’s very common. The concept was first identified in the late 1970s by researchers Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, who wrote:

“The term impostor phenomenon is used to designate an internal experience of intellectual phonies, which appears to be particularly prevalent and intense among a select sample of high achieving women.”-Clance and Imes

Further research shows that while a proportionately high number of women experience imposter syndrome, people of all genders and age groups can be affected. Psychology Today’s Megan Dalla-Camina best describes imposter syndrome as “A psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments.”

Imposter syndrome can have a negative effect in the workplace, as noted by New View Psychology. Strong imposter feelings can lead to caving under pressure, procrastinating important tasks out of fear, and burnout.

The good news is that if you’re feeling like a fraud at work, you aren’t alone, and there are ways to overcome these feelings. The experts at Forbes found 15 ways to overcome imposter syndrome at work. We break them down into three categories that can help you embrace your success and conqueror imposter syndrome.

Reframe your mindset

The most simple way to overcome imposter syndrome is changing how you view yourself, though it can be easier said than done.

Imes, who is now a clinical psychologist in Georgia, believes,

“Most high achievers are pretty smart people, and many really smart people wish they were geniuses. But most of us aren’t. We have areas where we’re quite smart and areas where we’re not so smart.”-Suzanne Imes, Ph.D.

She suggests in light of this to make a list of things you’re good at and things you need to work on. This allows one to recognize positive traits that can be celebrated and compartmentalize ones that could use improvement rather than assuming a deficiency in all aspects.

Forbes cited Monica Thakrar, who thought the age-old “fake it til you make it strategy” can help. Practice what scares you and you’ll start to believe in yourself. After all, if you convinced yourself you’re an imposter, you can convince yourself you’re a superstar.

Find ways to celebrate your success

Reframing the way you view yourself and your accomplishments goes a long way to solving imposter syndrome, but creating concrete reminders helps it stick. Celebrating the things you’ve accomplished and recognizing the work that went into it can remind you that you’ve earned your opportunities fairly.

Keeping a journal and reflecting on a few accomplishments a day can help you stay focused as well as create a tangible list of success you can reflect on, believes Vantage Consulting’s Christian Muntean. HuffPost discussed the idea of creating a ‘brag folder’ in order to celebrate your accomplishments. They cite actress Jenneviere Villegas, who defined the ‘brag folder’ this way:

“Start a folder on your desktop — mine is called ‘you’re doing a great job’ ― and when you get positive feedback, a compliment, etc., screenshot it and put it in there. When you need a confidence boost, or to combat imposter syndrome, open it up and read them.” -Jenneviere Villegas

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Ultimately, if you struggle with changing your mindset, reaching out to others can make a difference. Asking your supervisors or peers for feedback can give you insight without your own bias, Janet Fouts of Tatu Digital Media told Forbes.

Mentoring can be a fantastic way to work through imposter syndrome—on both sides of the process. The Muse’s Ximena Vengoechea believes that by mentoring someone, you’ll realize how much knowledge you have and that it can help you rediscover some of your best skills. Sometimes going back to basics opens up new lines of thought.

Meanwhile, Scott Singer of Insider Career Strategies told Forbes finding a mentor of your own can help.

“Everyone finds themselves in a new situation at some point in their career. Identifying a good mentor who’s been there before can make all the difference—he or she can offer strategic insights, support, encouragement and constructive criticism from their own experience, while also acting as a sounding board.” -Scott Siner

In the end, sometimes professional help is the best answer. There’s no stigma in finding a therapist for finding a solution more tailored to your needs, believes Career Pro Inc.’s John M. O’Connor.

Wrap up

Imposter syndrome is something anyone can suffer from, and while that means not every solution will work for everyone, there are many ways to try to overcome these thoughts. Building self-confidence isn’t always easy, but there are plenty of resources to help. The Muse offers a helpful guide to discover what type of imposter syndrome you may have to discover even more tailored options for your needs. Remember, you’ve come this far for a reason, and you have people in your corner willing to remind you.

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Improving Mindfulness For Career Growth

What is mindfulness? The American Psychological Association defines mindfulness as “a moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment. It is a state and not a trait.” A mindful individual is fully present and aware of their surroundings and reactions to specific thoughts and situations. Mindfulness is not something people can be born with but instead attained through attentiveness and comprehension. By tending to your thoughts, emotions, and sensations, you can accurately identify your habits and prepare the necessary steps to improve job performance.

A lack of mindfulness presents a disconnected employee walking through their days on autopilot. In the absence of self-awareness, organization, and intentionality towards one’s mental health, employees are not only stunting growth potential but instituting a continuous cycle of detachment as well. Making a conscious effort to these three healthy habits will unify an increased sense of mindfulness and take your career to new heights!

The Quest For Self-Awareness

Being self-aware is a critical part of becoming more mindful, as it allows you to better understand how you fit into your environment. Stay alert of your surroundings; offering attention without personal bias enables you to see how your work affects others and how it makes you feel. As you improve your self-awareness, you will learn to properly assess your capabilities and know your limits. Self-awareness is not just about recognizing your weaknesses but knowing how to capitalize on your strengths as well. 

Self-awareness is a continuous practice that often includes scheduling times to measure your progress and nurture your mind. This can be achieved through daily journaling or speaking with a mentoring figure. But remember, your quest will require you to take on some tough criticism with an open mind and a level of comfortability to examine your perpetual obstacles. Additionally, completing aptitude tests online or seeking performance reviews from your superiors or peers is another great tactic to initiating self-awareness. 

Recognizing Organization as a Form of Self-Care

Are you putting your organizational skills into practice? Becoming more mindful is achieved by putting your self-care methods into practice, and one of the best strategies for your career is organization. Examples include maintaining a well-kept, uncluttered workspace and a structured calendar with blocks of time left open for mindfulness exercises such as journaling, walking, yoga, or meditation.

The Mindfulness and Wellness experts at Mindful.org proceed to expand on the connection between mindfulness and organization by detailing a self-care roadmap. The ‘activity list’ consists of various exercises and strategies written out to become more intentional in your self-care in your Workplace, Physical Fitness, Emotional Life, and Relationships. As you improve on your organization in these areas, you will find yourself to be more confident, energized, engaging, and patient in your career. 

“Self-care means asking yourself what you need and following through on the honest answer.” (Mindful.org)

Prioritizing Mental Health Through Kindness

While mindfulness is recognized as just one outlet for enhancing your mental health, its connectivity to your thoughts, emotions, and sensations makes it a large piece of the puzzle. Humans are naturally wired to be kind, and being kind to others starts with being kind to yourself. When you act on your instincts to be compassionate and mindful of others, you are strengthening yourself and society. Tying into your surroundings, you must make yourself approachable to others and look out for their mental well-being. Studies have shown that providing social support to others often has more benefits to your physical and mental health than receiving it. 

5 Ways To Improve Mindfulness

Via CERIC & Mindworks:

  • Concentrated attention exercises on different objects such as the breath, bodily sensations, or the five senses.
  • Concentrated attention exercises on body movements (e.g. mindful walking, mindful stretching, yoga)
  • Enjoy the silence. Meditations that develop compassion for the self and others. 
  • Eliminate distractions to help avoid multitasking. Focusing on one task or project for a specific period helps to take a weight off your shoulders and pinpoint your attention.
  • Pour yourself into your household chores wholeheartedly.

Final Thoughts

Remember that mindfulness is about showing yourself unconditional kindness during your highs and lows. Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and relaxation, are proven to enhance moods and dramatically reduce daily stressors. These benefits offer a significant boost to career satisfaction and increased productivity. Erasing stress and worry is not the goal but rather a byproduct of your renewed confidence and elevated sense of purpose.

Stay Vigilant – Watch out for signs of a toxic work culture. Find your support group and keep looking to grow it! Don’t be afraid to allow people the chance to surprise you.

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