Coexisting With A Coworker You Dislike

Sometimes, having the right coworkers can make a job you dislike more tolerable. But the opposite is also true; a coworker you dislike can make your job unpleasant.

While many workers are able to work remotely, limiting direct face-to-face interactions with these workplace nemeses, those in the office don’t have that luxury. Even remotely, you’ll still have some interactions with these disdained coworkers. Regardless, you need to learn to work with others you may not enjoy.

We’ve previously covered how to successfully navigate workplace conflict and why a positive team culture is so important. We’ll build on that foundation, with assistance from the experts, with strategies on how to coexist with your least favorite coworkers. You likely won’t become best friends, but you’ll find common ground and be able to work together in spite of your differences.

Could it be you?

The first step in finding common ground is asking yourself why this individual irks you. With some soul-searching, you may realize that both of you are at fault.

Forbes’ Nicole Lipkin discusses affirmation bias, the tendency to blame your own shortcomings on external factors while blaming the shortcomings of others on their personal character.

“[L]et’s say you’re late to work. The attribution bias would have you exonerate your own lateness by claiming there was heavy traffic. But if someone else is late to work though, they’re obviously lazy.” –Nicole Lipkin

You may be projecting this bias on your workplace antagonist solely because you dislike them. By always thinking the worst of this person, you build them up as a bigger villain in your mind. You may also be projecting attributes you dislike about yourself onto this person, writes Lolly Daskal. Analyzing your mindset and figuring out why you dislike this person is the first step towards understanding.

Try to get to know them

Easier said than done, right? But finding common ground with someone is the key to resolving conflict. Iris Dorbian spoke to various actors, who must project chemistry with one another to the audience even when they dislike each other, and found multiple strategies you can use to co-exist with your foe.

Start by asking your coworker simple questions to get to know them. It doesn’t have to be deep; small talk about hobbies, interests, and daily routine is enough.

“I’m trying to give this person the impression that I actually give a damn about their day-to-day existence. The funny thing is, you’ll usually find that eventually, you do form chemistry because the person on the receiving end is amazed that anyone asked them questions about their life, work, or hobbies.” -actor Gino Dilorio

“Fake it til you make it” is a popular strategy in many of life’s facets, and it applies here, as well. Be enthusiastic about what your coworker tells you, even if you don’t feel it on the inside. Keeping a positive attitude will not only be good for your relationship with this person but it can be wondrous for your mental health.

Understand their point of view

Once you know this person a little better, it will be easier to understand their perspective and get to the root of why you don’t get along. Take your emotions out of the equation and try to view the person objectively.

Are some of their unpleasant traits a result of outside factors? There may be things doing on in their personal life you aren’t privy to. Are they trying to get along with you but struggling to do so? Or do you just have incompatible values or personalities? These questions are much easier to answer after you’ve made an attempt to get to know the person.

Set boundaries

Maybe you’ve put in the time to get to know your antagonist but still can’t find common ground. It happens. Not all people will get along. But to better coexist, you need to set boundaries with this person.

If the person keeps exhibiting disrespectful behaviors in your direction, sit down with the person and explain these behaviors are unacceptable. Ivy Exec reminds us not to let anger build up and color the interaction. Calmly tell them their behavior is unacceptable and they need to work with you in a professional manner.

Meanwhile, set boundaries on your own behavior. Don’t behave antagonistically towards them, and don’t engage in gossip regarding the other person. Stay professional.

Acknowledge your dislike and minimize contact

If all else fails, up upfront with the person. Lipkin says to have a simple conversation with your coworker: “We’re not getting along that great, what can we do? Let’s try to brainstorm what’s getting in our way.”

If you can find a way to work together, great. If not, you did your part. Continue to work within the boundaries you set, and reduce contact as much as possible. Don’t do anything to fan the flames, and do your best to remain professional. You don’t have to like your colleague, but you do need to work together.

“If volcanoes erupt every time you meet, then it might be best to, instead, keep things professional at a distance.” –Andy Charters

Wrap up

You won’t get along with everyone you meet, but if you’re working with someone you dislike, it’s important to at least make an effort to coexist. Try to find common ground and settle your differences in a professional matter. If all else fails, consider coexistence and acceptance a victory, and do your best to at least work together when needed.

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Coping With Job Search Rejection

In many ways, the internet is a godsend for job seekers. You can use copy and paste or auto-fill to upload your information, you can find jobs anywhere in the world, and you can track your applications. But the digital convenience means there is more competition than ever, and at times, it can seem like a job search is like screaming into a hurricane. More competition leads to more rejection, and that’s never fun.

With the sheer amount of competition out there and inconsistency between job-seeking strategies, rejection is extremely common, especially for entry-level jobs. You may even be ghosted completely by many companies. Rejection is something we all have to live with, but constant rejection can take a toll on your psyche.

“During the job search, you’ll be met with rejection and it’s even worse now. As companies are concerned over what will happen in the future, it’s hard to get noticed at the office, especially as everyone’s fighting to hold onto their jobs or get a better one.” –Jack Kelly, Forbes

If the rejection is getting the best of you, fear not! You can follow these steps to reframe your mindset and resume your search with a rejuvenated spirit and new strategies.

Take time to process

In spite of the frustration, it’s important to remember that others are experiencing the same rejection you are. The pandemic shook up the availability of jobs and was followed by the Great Reshuffling/Resignation, leading to more job seekers than usual.

Remember that, unless your application or resume was relentlessly hostile for some unknown reason, your rejection wasn’t personal. The University of Washington reminds us that your rejection isn’t a reflection of your skills.

“Most successful people have faced disappointment in their lives, and it’s a strength to remember that it’s rarely a reflection on you, your skills, or prior work experience. In fact, there are myriad other factors why the organization might have gone another way. This unfortunate experience may actually be setting you for a better opportunity in the future.” –The University of Washington

Still, the experience of being rejected can be disheartening. Understand how your brain reacts to bad news and adjust accordingly, Indeed states.

“Human brains generally remember challenging situations and painful feelings better than positive ones to help us avoid difficulties in the future. While this evolutionary skill can be useful, it’s often necessary during a job search to remind yourself of the positive aspects of your career and actively focus on those rather than the rejections.“ – Indeed

Be sure to immediately thank whoever sent you your rejection letter, but then don’t be afraid to take your time processing the rejection.

Look for feedback

Once you’ve taken some time to process, start looking for feedback so that you’ll be hardened and more prepared for your next opportunity. Once you’re in a good headspace, reach out to your interviewer, hiring manager, or recruiter and look for feedback on your application or interview. A request for feedback doesn’t have to be lengthy, a quick few sentences in an email should be enough, according to career coach Kyle Elliot.

The Idealist’s Alexis Perrotta wisely advocates keeping your feedback request on topic. The conversation isn’t meant to further sell yourself as a candidate or create a long dialogue. Make sure you are sincere and want the feedback to move forward, not as an excuse to talk to the manager once again. Sincerity makes it much more likely the hiring manager will take time from their schedule to offer their advice.

If you aren’t comfortable reaching out, or you don’t hear a response, ask a friend or colleague to look over your documents. They may be able to provide details you were too close to the situation to have noticed.

Look into new strategies

Your rejection was merely a setback. Having taken time to process the rejection and armed with new knowledge, you can prepare for the next leg of applying.

You can adopt new mental strategies so that each rejection stings less, and you can keep your spirits high. Forbes’ Jack Kelly discusses the idea of creating positive mantras for yourself to remind you of your self-worth. Capital Placement recommends focusing on your strengths.

“By focusing on your strengths and highlighting them in future interviews, you’ll be able to show employers why you’re the best candidate. It can also help you improve your interviews and even help you land your dream role.” –Capital Placement

If the rejections seem to keep piling on, perhaps you need to change your job-seeking approach altogether. CNBC Make It’s Morgan Smith suggests a three-pronged approach of setting job alerts, knowing what you’re looking for and how to define it, and expanding your network. Meanwhile, LinkedIn’s Bob McIntosh offers eight reasons to may not be landing a job and how to fix them.

Wrap up

Rejection hurts, and it’s hard to not take them personally, especially when rejections pile up. It’s important to remember you aren’t the only one in this situation, and you may need to take time to process your thoughts and refocus. Gather feedback if possible so you can tackle your next challenge with more vigor, and don’t be afraid to use new mental or job searching techniques to enhance your search.

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Reduce Your Daily Stress With These Four Principles

Where does stress come from? The American Psychological Association reveals their top work-related examples:

  • Excessive workloads
  • Low salaries
  • The nonexistence of a work-life balance
  • The feeling of being undervalued and unappreciated
  • Limited growth potential
  • Unclear performance expectations
  • A lack of social interaction

If you are feeling a heavy weight on your shoulders from these everyday stresses, it is likely because you have not learned how to manage your stress effectively. 

With remotely operating jobs here to stay, it has become increasingly difficult to separate our work life from our personal life. While experiencing some levels of stress is unavoidable, there are specific steps you can take to move closer to a healthy work-life balance. Learning to limit your daily stress intake will not only play a tremendous role in your career growth but positively impact your physical and mental health. Hold tight to these four principles:

1. The Power of Saying ‘No.’

It’s always easy to say yes, and you may feel the pressure to do so to advance your career, but is it worth forfeiting your peace of mind? When you are overloaded with responsibilities and rapidly approaching deadlines, you are giving stress an open-door policy into your life. Saying yes to everyone is not the only way to propel your career. In fact, juggling too many commitments is an unhealthy habit that will often lead to experiencing career burnout and ultimately stall your career. 

The career experts at The Mayo Clinic provide three additional reasons to say no:

  • “Saying no isn’t necessarily selfish.” Honor your existing obligations and avoid taking on too much; otherwise, the quality of your performance is at stake.
  • “Saying no can allow you to try new things.” Stay focused on the tasks at hand and use free time to pursue other interests in or outside work.
  • “Saying yes can cut others out.” Saying no allows the opportunity for others in your organization to step up.

2. Set Clear Goals & Boundaries

Are you tired of feeling overwhelmed in your current career? Does your fear of disappointing others lead you to put too much on your plate? Learning to set clear objectives and establish boundaries is an excellent tool to coping with your stress. Maintain self-respect by being assertive rather than aggressive and passive. During your workday, it is not recommended that you divide your focus across several responsibilities at a time. Prioritize and organize your tasks and projects and ensure that your daily tasks tie into an overarching goal. Plan your schedule for the week ahead, and be sure to include breaks (and actually take them!).

Many employees tend to blend their work and home life, which brings conflict and confusion when working to achieve a work-life balance. While the flexibility and freedom offered with a remote position has immeasurable benefits, the blurred line between work and home only becomes more magnified. Making yourself available to answer phone calls and respond to emails at any time of day is again laying a path for feeling burnt out. Establish boundaries in your job to disconnect from the laptop or phone and focus on your personal life. 

3. Relax & Recharge

Taking time out of your day to clear your mind by listening to some music or calling a friend can play a significant role in keeping your stress from catching up to you. Especially in a remote position, the importance of taking time to get away from your desk and get out of the house cannot be understated. Temporarily separating yourself from a stressful environment or assignment can allow you to return to a more focused, calmer state of mind with a fresh perspective. Utilize techniques such as meditation and mindfulness exercises. On a larger scale, using your vacation days is a great way to unwind and return to work feeling inspired and focused. 

4. Eat Healthy & Live Healthy

Don’t push back on your daily stressors with junk food or alcohol. Stress-eating through comfort foods is a safe way to deal with your issues but strictly serves as a temporary solution to your stress. After a difficult day at work, there is no better alternative to letting out your frustrations than a trip to the gym or unwinding at a fitness studio. If exercising is not your currently preferred method, consider alternatives of making time for friends or family, reading a new book, or picking up a new hobby. Prioritizing a good sleep schedule is also critical to effective stress management, which can be achieved by eliminating the use of stimulating devices, such as your phone or television, up to an hour before bed.

Recently, I had a discussion with a Cleveland-based CEO who shared the immense toll that operating from a home office took on his mental and physical health. In addition to becoming more susceptible to stress and dips in productivity, he revealed how he was confronted with a rude awakening one year after the work-from-home order began. After deciding to go for a quick jog and failing to make it down the street, he realized just how out of shape he had become. He did not notice the effects of no longer being able to walk to and from meeting rooms or proactively choose the stairs over the elevator. This consequence was greatly heightened when the alternative was walking a mere few feet out of bed.

The solution? Make time to care for your mind and body.

  • Create your own commute to work or take a few meetings while you walk down your street. 
  • Extend your lunch break to include a quick trip to the gym.
  • Switch to an adjustable sit/stand desk.

Reminder: Experiencing Minimal Levels of Stress Can Be Healthy

Too much stress leads to career burnout, but too little stress? This will enter you into a career rut as you coast through the day-to-day tasks of your week. Facing the pressures of increased performance expectations can be detrimental to your career, but encountering stress in moderation can improve your job performance and health. Experiencing healthy levels of stress, or eustress, keeps employees motivated and ready for the next challenge and allows companies to grow.

Wrap Up

Encountering stress is inevitable, but managing the way you respond to stress can help rid of its negative ramifications. Asking for help is a sign of strength and courage. If you are struggling with feeling overstressed or overworked during this season, remember that you are not alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support from your friends, family, or company management. Whoever you reach out to can likely relate to your feelings of anxiety and share an experience that can help you cope. 

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